On being a selfish person

Recently some of my friends and I went to a faithwalkers conference in Osage Beach, MO. If you want to hear about the story of the trip down there read leslie's blog.

One of the sessions was about dieing to yourself and helping others before yourself. I am someone who doesn't normally see what I can do to help out other people first. Normally I see what I can do to make my life better/easier first, then if I have leftover time then I see if I can possibly help someone else. The helping other people part of my day usually doesn't happen we'll just say that. Most of the time Leslie has to ask me to do things before I will actually do them. When she asked me too, it does take me a little bit to have a good heart and to do it without grumbling. I usually end up doing whatever she asks but it does take some time.

The one thing that I came away from the session with is that dying to yourself is all about love. It's all about love!!!!! I would never have thought of that. Usually dying to myself I always thought that it was just something I had to do that I didn't want to do. God calls us to love each other as he has loved us. I feel like people show love to me all the time and I hardly ever show them love in return.. People love me by cleaning my room, doing my laundy, making me dinner, listen/help me with my problem, and encouraging me through scripture. Leslie is the most amazing at this. She is always showing me love (I mean I have a lot of issue, so she is helping me out a lot with problems), but she also encourages my heart a lot with serving me and sharing scriptures with me. I can't remember the last time that I served our encouraged someone recently. I am just not gifted at doing this without having someone do something for me first.

The other big thing that they said was to love and expect nothing in return is true love. I think almost always is that if I do go out of my comfort zone and show love to someone is that I usually expect something in return for the act that I just did. I can not tell you the last time that I did, but I can remember the last time someone loved me and got nothing in return. Something that John Meyer said was that we do God's work when we love others. It breaks my heart to know that I am constantly not doing God's work. I selfishly want others to love me, but how is that fair for them to always love me and get nothing in return from me. I guess though that they are just doing what God has asked them to do.

The one thing that I am going to do in the coming years is to find opportunities to love others without being asked or getting anything in return. I am in the best situation to learn from my environment with the GREATEST roommate in the world. I will just watch my amazing beautiful, loving roommate Leslie in how she loves people without grumbling.